An Orphan's Quest

Here's something I wrote in one of my first few pieces of poetry. I always said it to myself in overcoming hardships and still do whenever I'm in a foul mood.

At 13 years old, I went away for a weekend with my mom. When we came back, we noticed all my things were thrown in her room. Someone else's things were in my space. All this because someone offered more rent money to the lady we were living with. I went back to see the lady to bare a fair share of words while my mom was drinking at the bar across the street from where we lived. I told the witch lady to get off our couch. I unplugged our TV. And, as she was getting ready to plug it in again, I asked her if she was proud and happy about what she had done to us. She said, "I am actually, thanks for asking". She sat back down and I said get off my couch, she said it was her couch. I then told her, "I know I'm 13 but it's not rocket science for me to understand that I've slept and played video games on this couch for a few years now, not sure if you realize this but I think you need to seek some help."

I was raging with revenge but I resisted from following through with what my anger really wanted to do. I thank, not God, but golf for giving me the patience to hold back. I wanted to scare her and let her know she was wrong. She insulted us, invaded my privacy, and so I ran at her and pretended to kick her. When I stretched out my leg I was 2 feet from her head. She stuck her arm out with a smoke lit in her hand, as she thought I was gunna hit her, so I ended up spraining her finger. She had the neighborhood sheriffs called.

An hour later as we were walking to my mom's boyfriend's house, a couple of cars were waiting for me. My mom was worried that I did something bad. In my mind I didn't, it's just that the law is the law and what I did was clearly wrong. My probation officer laughed and said if he were in my shoes, he would have done a lot more at my age. So he then told me the next time that I showed up for a meeting he'd make me carry out the whole probation term. Within the next week we moved to Niagara Falls. Over the 4-5 years I had lived there, whenever I was back in Milton, I could be found with a few friends annihilating her house with weapons of mass annoyance - eggs, paintballs, and a few other things. I don't wanna give you all my trade secrets.

There are many other times I felt homeless because even though I was living at home for the next few years until I was 16, home was the last place where I could relax. Alcohol abuse was always let loose so it left me trying to dodge more depression than a corrupt man after he goes to confession.

When I was almost 19, I was in the process of moving back to Milton, ON from Niagara Falls, ON. I was living on my own for about a year and rent was pretty expensive, compared to Niagara, as it was closer to Toronto. It's ridiculous that this is the case because although there's more work, the wages are still the same everywhere in the province. If the rent is more, wages should be more.

I was delivering pizzas for a while in the first year back in Milton and then out of nowhere my hours were getting fewer. One day less here, another the next week, then I got car problems which put me outta work for a whole week cuz I had to use my own car to deliver. Then a couple day after that my step-father passed away. I had to take another week off to help with the funeral arrangements. I had to make sure this man went out in style. I did it with my mom which was a lot harder, but it prepared me to have the strength to do it again as I knew how to handle the situation better and compose myself better.

My best friend had been battling a cocaine addiction for the last year and he just recently moved in with me as I was the only person willing. He was very honest with himself and was trying to get clean. I convinced him to stay clean for the funeral and for him to play guitar for the service. There was just something about his playing style that takes you on a journey into reflections of nothing but the good stuff, and that's what my step father would have wanted, just like my Mom. They didn't want anyone to feel pity even though they often dwelled in the past. I saw some of the glory days just before my mother passed.

Once my friend was clean, we moved into a 2 bedroom for 800.00 month. It was the cheapest thing around and it needed some work done to it. The landlord needed to do work on the place before we moved in, but since we really needed a place he let us move in early. We gave him first and last and then we never seen him again. He borrowed 10 grand off of his friend to pay the outstanding mortgage, and then fled town. Our shower only had hot water. When the plumbers came to fix it and found out they weren't getting paid, they left the shower disassembled with parts missing and we had nothing running in the bathroom except a toilet that never stopped running hot water. The hydro crew came to the door to tell me to switch the bills into my name cuz they weren't getting paid. I wasn't gonna pay them until something got fixed. The bank came by and told us to pay them rent as the building was being taken over by them since the landlord went AWOL. I wasn't paying rent until they fixed something. Couple of weeks later some fuses were blowing out and we had just the kitchen power working. The fuse box wasn't in the apartment, but rather in the basement of a storefront of the same building but on a different street. The store was up for lease with no one ever around cuz it wasn't being used for quite some time. So we decided to get an extension cord, throw it up on the roof above our apartment, then break into the bathroom window of a vacant apartment to plug in the cord, 'the anaconda that I wasn't too fond of'. I ended up going to court, and we didn't have to pay the outstanding rent which totaled about $3500.00. But lemme tell you, it was a fair trade cuz there were times I'd rather sleep outside. I moved into a couple of other places that had rooms to rent.

Ummmmm, the only thing good about homelessness is that those who are homeless know that adventure at different levels can now be ventured. It was adventure that gave my outlook on life a rise in temperature and my selfishness a fracture that fortunately never healed properly. The outside is everyone's property, some has been claimed but for the most part, I feel there's now more than shelter to be discovered. Through my experiences I feel that with a whole lotta bad news, created a mighty statue up for grabs, the statue of virtue. Yes it might hurt you in many ways but if it's the good days you're looking for…you gotta ask yourself, "how much is it worth to you?"

Here's something I wrote in one of my first few pieces of poetry. I always said it to myself in overcoming hardships and still do whenever I'm in a foul mood.

Are we nurtured?

However we are
Don't let it hurt yah
Who ever who are
Someone's always gotten or getting' it worse
So there's no excuse for a rotten Eve and Adam's apple curse
- An Orphan's Quest Confessed

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